Late last Friday in my mailbox was a USPS notification that I had certified mail from the IRS that could be picked the following day.  While that’s not the news I wanted to hear late Friday as I was going out to enjoy dinner, I tried hard to maintain composure. When I got home, I jumped online and researched everything I could about what a certified letter could possibly mean, checked the tracking ID and called my accountant. I gave myself about an hour of this nonsense until I decided enough was enough.  I know nothing and no sense worrying about it anymore. Thank goodness, I was able to let it go, enjoy the rest of my night and early waking hours with very little worry. I think to a few years back and how I would have allowed panic to set in and ruin a good night’s sleep.

Turns out, when I finally got the letter, it was duplicate confirmation of something that I had taken care of a few months ago.  So maybe the takeaway from this is just take a breath. I know nothing until I know something.

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I was brought up attending catholic school and required to attend church every Sunday whether I wanted to or not. For the longest time in my life, I was filled with the usual fear, guilt, shame and a deep longing to know the truth. Somewhere in the 90’s, I picked up the book Conversations with God: An Uncommon Dialogue, Book 1 by Neale Donald Walsch. It was practically screaming “read me” when I saw it on the shelf. I couldn’t put it down and I read it in 2 days and I think I may even had read it 2 or 3 times. For the first time in my life, life made sense. I was able to revert back to the deep inner knowing I had as a child before I went to catholic school in first grade.
From there, I had a huge thirst for all of the new age knowledge I could possibly get. I read books by Doreen Virtue, Ester Hicks, Deepak Chopra, Louise Hay. I became interested in pendulum dowsing, energy work, had new age music cds, attended yoga, meditation sessions and new age gatherings. I went through soul retrieval and a past life regression(more on that in a later post). I’d like to say I have created a spiritual toolbox that I can reach into when things get rough.
Around 2010, after a too long of a bad relationship and one year of therapy, I was bound and determined to find my way out of the mess and “get it”. I picked up Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment book and purchased the cd. I listened intently, everyday for weeks. One day, my significant other tried to pick a fight with me as was “normal” for someone to do when they are an emotional abuser. I was unreactive.  I knew I was done and I didn’t want to “play” anymore. I could tell he did not understand my lack reaction and shortly after that episode I was strong enough to get him to move out. I was both elated and scared. I had a home to take care of by myself but I had learned to trust the universe and knew I would be ok.
After this occurrence and my newfound freedom, the new age thirst for knowledge I had known for so long came to an end. I still like to listen to Ester Hicks and have recently discovered the channelings of Bashar. I still believe in Bach flower remedies, gemstones, energy therapy etc. but they are not at the top of my “to do” list. I live more in the now than I ever did and I see how all of those books I was reading were to get me back to me. I’d like to say my spiritual journey began with Conversations with God and ended with The Power of Now. I stopped defining myself as a seeker and realized that all I ever needed was within all along. Though life is a not always a bed of roses, I am able to give myself permission to create peace within myself if I so choose on a daily basis.


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For the longest time, I thought there was something wrong with me and the way I interacted with the world. In my childhood, I had a very active imagination and could play for hours by myself. I am sure some of it was the lack of children my age in my neighborhood and I needed to learn how to entertain myself. In my adulthood, I was with an emotionally abusive person for a long time who was very extroverted. He could not understand I how only had one or two friends at a time, did not like parties or even how I could come home from work and sit outside and just look at the clouds. He made me feel like I had issues.

It wasn’t until therapy and a couple of good books that I begin to understand and accept myself. The first book was There Is Nothing Wrong with You: Going Beyond Self-Hate by Cheri Huber. Cheri explains the negative self-talk cycle habit and how to reverse it.  It made sense and put me on the right track.

The second book I read was Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain.  Susan described exactly why introverts do what they do. The need for down time, introspection, energy levels and their rich inner world.

At this time in my life I am with someone who is also somewhat introverted, but maybe not as much as I am. He completely understands my need for down time, peace and quiet. We both enjoy parties and company at times but also know when enough is enough.

I have nothing against extroverts. I enjoy their company and feel that a quiet person with a talkative one can be a good balance. The extrovert can bring me out of my shell and get my ideas flowing.

At this stage of the game, I am at a good place of loving and accepting myself for who I am and also accepting others for who they are.  As they say, live and let live.

Welcome to my very first post! If you are familiar with the song by Led Zeppelin entitled “That’s the Way”, you may understand  the tagline I have chosen.  I am approaching 50 and have come a long way in life as we all have at this age an older.   I plan to ramble on about many things and what I have learned along the way… my upbringing, relationships, pets, spirituality, body image, employment etc.

What I am sure of at this time in my life is that anything I used to think was important really isn’t. If I do not resist life, it flows beautifully.  Looking forward to putting my thoughts into this new blog.

Thanks for reading!

And yesterday I saw you standing by the river, And weren’t those tears that filled your eyes, And all the fish that lay in dirty water dying, Had they got you hypnotized? And yesterday I saw you kissing tiny flowers, But all that lives is born to die. And so I say to you that nothing really matters, And all you do is stand and cry……..